I dont wanna grow up anymore !!

                        At last !! On Oct 26,1987 at 6:48 in the morning,when I came into this world,the joy of my parents knew no bounds.Infact,the whole world around me seemed extremely happy but I wasnt at all.I was wailing in utter dismay for getting me out of the comfortable and the most secure province,the mother's womb.Everyone vainly tried to cheer me up without realizing what exactly I'm crying for..

That's the first time I felt "I don't wanna grow up anymore...!!! "

As the time evanesced,an enemy came into my life,which is none other than my dearest brother who arrived with congenital endorsements to share my parents' love which shattered me to the core.I think my parents are the best narrators to describe the hulchul I created to keep him as away as possible from my mother..That very moment, I realised that coming out into this world from the womb felt better than sharing my parents' love with someone else..

then I shrilled out "oh God !! Plz I dont wanna grow up anymore...!!!"

Then came the day when I had to visit the railway station for the first time until when I was of the impression that a train would be on top of a building and would turn round and round vanishing into oblivion and appearing at the destination station( :))..weird imagination rt? might be the influence of cartoon shows)..It was also the time when I had other such assumptions like Earth would be surrounded by boundaries where I can stand and get a panoramic view of outer space,stars and other planets...and plenteous like these..

When I came to know that's just my fantasy but nothing else,I shrieked out "plz ! not anymore..".

Days slipped away quietly and I was to witness the day when I had to step out of my little dwelling into lion's den,the preschool..The teachers, infact every elderly stranger seemed so horrendous that I clung to my grandmother's feet unless she took me back along.Thence I felt,sharing of my parents' love was far better than this agony.Then I haplessly screeched out to the world "Do you understand ?? I dont wanna GROW UP anymore"..

Even the clock was ticking restlessly throwing a deaf ear to my holler when I had to step into kindergarten where I realised that the 2 hour preschool,which was very near to my house was far better than this...

Then I rhymed "I dont wanna grow up !! 

                         I dont wanna grow up !!

                         not anymore!!

                         plz,not anymore !! "

In no time,I was put up in primary school where we were stuck to the benches all the time..And the nostalgia of  my kindergarten days - our beats to the rhymes,the sleeping hour in between,running back home

just after half a day on my father's bike, filled my mind...Then out of thin air,this again peeped into

my head --"I doooooonnnttt wwaaaaaaaannnnnnnnaa ggrrrrrrrrroooowwwwwwwww uuuuppppppppppppp anymooooooore !! "

Even my secondary schooling didn't have an iota of mercy on me.It promptly arrived to whip away my happiness to its capacity.In a jiffy,it prevented my father from visiting me during lunch hours,burdened my shoulders beyond my ability,snatched away the fun I used to have on sundays and the list goes on and on...so,I better stop here..Thus it conjured up everything around me without my prior consent..

Then I silently mourned "  I dont wanna grow up anymore now !!"

Then came the intermediate where everyone around me seemed to be caught up in a race..and the big blow of all,I had to live away from home for 2 long yrs for the first time ever..This had its toll on me for 3 complete months during which I could hardly find a day without me in tears.Each and every pain I had undergone earlier seemed like nothing..Not even a single word of wisdom from my dad could get me out of that...That's the one and only reason which made me back off from appearing for IIT even..

Then I angrily protested "I cant digest this !! Plz I dont wanna grow up anymore now !! "..

To my luck,I was out of it with flying colors and there was engineering awaiting me and it greeted me with a warm welcome.I should admit that it gifted me innumerable moments to cherish,friends for a lifetime,lessons to endure the hardships of life.The time spent here slipped off without notice and I was hoping those days should last forever.No sooner did I begin to hope so,than I realised that the time has come to shoulder my responsibilities.Even the world around me seemed very busy gearing up for recruitments,MBA,MS...

Then I squawked out " These are the most happiest days of my life !! Never wanna miss them .Plz I don't

wanna grow up anymore !! "

Then a sudden leap into the corporate life,right during taking the final exams ,with no proper time even to bid goodbyes to my beloved friends,seemed very unpleasant.The world here appeared very dutiful and formal with all too professional smiles and with myriad restrictions even to utter a word.Everyone seemed to have set up their own boundaries that are less often broken which made me wonder whether I will ever be able to befriend a single person.This very short while taught me,warned me and tested me against all possible odds..

Wouldnt these suffice for any emotional being to squeal   "enuf  is enuf !!  plz stop  !!! I have seen enuf !! I dont wanna grow up anymooooooooooooooooooore !! "  beyond its potential ?Be it a yes or no,but they did for me.

hmmmmmmmmmmm.....!!!!

That's the last time I ever quetched or I would.Yes, that's the last one...bcoz now I see no point in complaining "I don't wanna grow up anymore !! " anymore when there is no one to listen to..I,at this point of time,am clearly convinced that it was my inability to come to terms with reality that made me carp all the while.By the time I agnised that this was the culprit,it had taken its toll on the trust of an intimate relationship departing good friends FOREVER.As famously said,"Better late than never",I am obliged to accept this realism now if not I am dubious and frightened of surviving the consequences it has to offer...

Now everything around me has completely changed ..Wait !! I think thats not right ..Its the way I look the world that has changed,for ever..Now neither I ponder the past nor expect from future..

I just LIVE this moment..

With this understanding,I am here at this juncture to step ahead in life without any apprehensions,regrets and excitement but with a strong resolution to cherish each passing moment.........

This post would remain incomplete if I dont put down my words of gratitude :

A BIG THANKS to my parents,every element in the universe,all the anonymous forces,and each and every person I met in all these 22 years, 11 months, 29 days, 17 hours, 12 minutes for conspiring in helping me become the one I am.

PS:Its not that I was completely depressed and unhappy all these days..Im glad that I am one of those who enjoy their life to the fullest..but there was this pain irkin somewhere.So just thought of sharing..:)